![]() ![]() It is deep in the chaos of tragedy that partners most find their true individual natures, their true ways of relating with each other, and their true reasons for bonding. Even though a connection without great pleasure as a reward is most often a damaged connection, the rewards of connection show up more in crisis than in pleasure. They are neither as dazzling nor as transient as a win on the field or great episodic television. The rewards of connection are not as obvious as the reward of a good meal or a fine wine. The search will make us question things we think we know, and give up things we think we like, and try things that scare the hell out of us. But these micro-decisions drive our actions, all day long, every day whether we are aware of them or not. It’s done in an instant, often without our conscious oversight. We silently say “Yes”, “No” or “Maybe” to ourselves as many times a day as the new faces we meet. We literally check out every person we meet with this search criteria in our subconscious mind. It must be searched for, relentlessly, almost with our eyes closed. And they inspire us to do the same for them. They will love us, and respect us, and trust us-they will put our needs above their own. This person will remove all doubt in our minds about whether or not there is some dance we need to do, right now, with them. The person that we successfully partner with will unconditionally love everything about us, will make us better than we were before, will bring forth a joy in us that is impossible to overlook. When we find one, it is undeniably right. We are each programmed so differently that good matches are rare and precious. ![]() It is so far beneath our consciousness, in the bowels of our genetic makeup that we are seldom aware of any correlation between our habits and the biological imperative that drives them. All of our behaviors can be traced back to this most basic of our evolutionary goals. It is impossible to deny this primal programming even while we might cheat the odds with birth control or abstinence. ![]() Our most primal biological imperative is to reproduce, to send forth a new generation of our species, to connect so deeply with another human being that a new life is formed of us. Connection with other life, connection with our environment, with our souls, our emotions. We struggle, all of our lives, from birth to death, trying to make connection. ![]()
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December 2022
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